I just finished reading today's article in the online version of Our Daily Bread, a devotion guide that I grew up with. The article, entitled Incompatible?, reminded me of how important it is to deal with relationships in the right manner.

Although I am the type who generally gets along pretty well with almost anyone and everyone I meet, when I get really irked or someone rubs me the wrong way it's quite hard for me to give that person a second chance. I hold my few grudges very dearly... I don't scream at the person or act cold, rather as a civilized human being, I just stay away and keep my irritation or resentment bottled up deep inside. Mark feels extremely uncomfortable when I get this way because he says its just not like me. But the problem is, it is exactly like me. An excuse as lame as it is true.

Incompatible reminded me that in every relationship, and yes we do have a relationship with every person we've met, we have to show "compassion for one another, be tenderhearted, and be courteous...". It may sound daunting and even impossible to treat each and every person that comes our way in this manner. Yes, courtesy is pretty easy, but what about compassion and tenderheartedness? That is the challenge.

We have become such civilized, logical, practical people that sometimes there is little room left for love. We tend to box our lives and make little compartments where every relationship is labelled. I will do this much for relationships labelled A, only this much for type B relationships and I try so hard to close the lid on relationships labelled Z. We try to pretend that some people do not exist, afterall it must be better to ignore someone than have to deal with or forgive the *******. We have to open the lids to Z relationships and look at it closely. We have to learn not to run away from relationships we'd rather not have. We have to examine how to deal with incompatibilities and still show compassion and love.

I'm sure I'll choke on these words when I meet some of my "favorite" people. But hopefully it'll spur me to at least try little by little to learn to deal with them better.

***************
"What counts most in creating a successful team is not how compatible its players are, but how they deal with incompatibility." -- Sports Illustrated

Holiday Blues

Christmas was a bit of a downer this year though I was happy to be home and see my family.

24th - Got home around 5pm. Rested some. Mom and Dad opened the gift we got them. It was pretty nice. Ate cooked some pasta. Didn't taste as good as she would've liked it to be but it was still good. Went to my Tita Mel's for noche buena. It was ok. The Clan was not complete though. Mark called me past 12. Felt good to hear his voice.

25th - My Uncle Noel died on Christmas Day... He's my dad's youngest brother. So Dad had to leave with Uncle Tony for Bicol. Bummer does not even come close... Oh God...

My sister and I spent most of Christmas day sleeping hoping that Silas could come open his gifts. Silas, of course, had to stay with his family.

26th - Didn't wake up in time for church. Mom came back at noon. Had lunch and lounged around. Ma and I went out to get book and test from Nikki. Twas nice to see a smile. Tried to find a gift for Ate but we weren't able to find one. Had a long chat with Criselle when I got home. Couldn't sleep. Went to Mommy's bed and slept beside her. Felt right. Three generations in one bed. Slept soundly...

27th - Was supposed to leave at 3am for Ate to get to work on time. Left at 11am instead... ;-) Hated to leave mom alone. Still got to office 15mins early.


I guess we won't go home for New Year. Ma will just go to QC to spend it with us.

I feel sooo Christmassy....

I'll be home for Christmas...

Yipee! Its almost Christmas and I don't think I've looked forward to it this much. Mostly though I think its because I have'nt been home for a month now...Another thing that excites me is that this is the first time in years that the entire Balagtasclan will get together for Noche Buena. I miss those days...

----

Our office held our Christmas party last night. I was surprised that I actually had fun. All in all there were only 19 people who attended. Thats all the 14 tutors plus our sysAd, Manager, President and 2 visitors. Food was ok and place was ok. I think I had fun mostly because of the people. Our manager,Din, is utterly corny and yet proud of it, that most times I can't help but laugh. I think the work atmosphere here is good for me. I'm thriving... ^_^

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On exchange gifts:
I actually got the gift I wanted! A jacket... My officemate, Carmen, gave me a jacket even if I put books and a blouse on my wishlist (nahiya ako ilista jacket kasi mahal...). She described me as the girl who's always cold so she thought it'd be more useful and personal. Isn't that nice?

On Compliments:
Everbody, including me, must feel happy when they find out that somebody had a crush on him/her, even if it was just a little crush. ^_^ Ego booster!

Dana, another coworker, gave me one weird compliment that I really liked. She told me, "You know what Hannah? I think you're strange in a kind of comforting way." Now that, was strange. Too late now but I think I should have answered, "You know what Dana? That was actually comforting in a really strange way."

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Have a Great Christmas everybody!!!

Weepy Day

Darn it. This must be one of those days when everything just makes me feel more weepy. Thanks to Cel's email, which by the way is not in anyway sad, I got so weepy that I had to take time to blog just so I can stop myself from looking like a fool in the office. I miss a simple and bummish life. ^_^

The other day as I got off the train at Shaw, I saw a group of men singing carols. They were singing acapella and they were great. They looked really dignified too in their sparkling violet barongs. I looked around for the donation box just to know what their gig was all about. To my pleasant surprise there was none. Now, i thought, that is real carolling... Their voices and the gesture of giving busy people something to appreciate touched me so much that I had to swallow a lot to stop the sobs as I went down the steps of the MRT station.

Today I'm a little unhinged again. I'm not really sad but I can't help it. Its funny how somedays everything can be so ordinary yet wonderful, the future so promising and exciting yet so tiring, and that day so hard to survive. Oh well, it is one of those days...

Borderline?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

From Nikki's Blog

True except the last I think...

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?

Got this from Jam's blog.

I'm Back...

I'm not sure though if its for good.

*****
Princess Jas has an iPod! She brought it this weekend to our "reunion" and wowee did it sound great! Listened to, in my opinion, one of the greatest songs ever written. Read it and weep... for yourself or the one you love.

STUCK IN A MOMENT (U2)

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard

I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

*****

And Now...Silence

As Mark said, "I'm officially on a blogging hiatus". Answered Cel and Hannah, "What's hiatus"?

Got a job.....that I actually like. No money, lots of grunt work. I cant believe how happy I am that I'm finally on the path to becoming a real teacher.

The catch: I need to study our own language.
The bonus: I'll learn more about our language.

The Betrayal I Fear

I was looking for Sophie's World when I chanced upon my sister's book (Disappointment With God by Phillip Yancey). I skimmed trough it but the very first words I read, which was actually a quotation, made my mind whirl.

"You do not have to sit outside in the dark.
If, however, you want to look at the stars,
you will find that darkness is required.
The stars neither require nor demand it."
-- Annie Dillard

I couldn't go on reading the book because I'm afraid. I'm just starting to be in full control of my life again. I feel like I've been sitting in the dark for so long...maybe, far too long. But still I just can't look up! I bow my head and refuse to look at the stars, afraid that when I do, no stars will be shining for me.

--------
"Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
when I looked for light, then came darkness.
The churning inside me never stops."

from Job 30:26-27

Happy Anniversary to the Thermocouple

Its our fourth year anniversary! Yipee? I can't believe its been four years. We've been going steady far longer than J-Lo's ever been married.

Here's a list of books (all from Amazon) whose titles seem to characterize our four years together. By the way I've never read any of these so I can't vouch for their quality. I also deleted some parts of the books' titles to make them fit the way I feel just a little better.

--
Best Friends for Life by Michael Phillips, Judy Phillips

Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know by Judith, Ph.D. Sherven, James, Ph.D. Sniechowski

Breathing Room: A Novel by Susan Elizabeth Phillips -- One of the things a relationship can't do without.

Dating for Under a Dollar: 301 Ideas by Blair Tolman -- We have praticed this fine art of "dating under a dollar" so much that I think Mr. Tolman should have got me as a resource person.

I Can Do It Cards: Affirmations for Romance (I Can Do It Cards) by Louise L. Hay -- For days when we both felt that we just couldn't go on.

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me... by Bradley Fenton -- Pretty self-explanatory. Also goes hand in hand with Celine Dion's song I Hate You Then I love You

Love Is A Decision by Gary Smalley -- Being an emotional creature I believe that we couldn't have lasted for four years if we both did not know that love is a decision.

Love Is Never Enough : How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts... by Aaron T. Beck -- This is why a wise sage once told me, "Patience is a virtue".

Loving an Imperfect Man by Ellen Sue Stern

Loving the Self-Absorbed: How to Create a More Satisfying Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner by Nina W. Brown -- Mark should have read this the moment he saw me. I'm sure it would have made his life easier....

Red Hot Relationships: How to Defuse the Anger and Keep the Romance by Lorel, Ph.D. Lindstrom, Shari L. Kirkland -- Shout? Walk out? Talk? Kiss and make up?

The Secrets: How To Control A Man by C. E. Cost -- Ha! Priceless!

The Mystery of Love by Marc Gafni -- After four years I sometimes think that love is sooo demystified but then again it surprises me.

-------------

What Video Game Character Am I?

Been reading Diego's Blog and followed the link to What Video Game Character Am I?. I dont think I am like Mario since my friends are pretty tame. So I tried answering it again and this time it said that I'm a defender-ship. I still dont think so. So I guess I have a pretty warped self-image or I don't know how to answer the questions.... : ) 'Twas fun though.

----
The Result:

I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble.

----

I am a Defender-ship. I am fiercely protective of my friends and loved ones, and unforgiving of any who would hurt them. Speed and foresight are my strengths, at the cost of a little clumsiness. I'm most comfortable with a few friends, but sometimes particularly enjoy spending time in larger groups.

On Daughter of Regals and Other Tales

Eight Tales -- three definitely worth reading, three OKs (or so-so) and one totally headed for trashdom. That makes seven... Duh?


Daughter of Regals
One of the best in the compilation. Takes place during the night of Chrysalis ascension to the throne. I loved Donaldson's concept of magic and reality and the way he sketched his characters. I guessed the ending though...

Gilden-Fire
The story i didn't rate. It was good but since its an chapter that was removed from Donaldson's novel The IllEarth War I think I lack the background to appreciate it fully. I liked the way he wrote it but there are a lot of unanswered questions since the author assumed that the reader has read his fantasy series (which obviously, I have not).

Mythological Beast
'Twas ummm just ok. But I think he should just stick to fantasy and not try to dabble with sci-fi or at least try a little harder when he does...

The Lady in White
Oooh sexy lady! Another ok story. I dont know what the story lacked but although it started out pretty intriguing it somehow felt a little empty to me.

Animal Lover
Ok again. At least I did not really guess exactly what would happen. It was also pretty entertaining but again it lacked depth (whatever that is).

Unworthy of the Angel
I loved this story. To my angel...hope I would not be unworthy of you. And no, its not mushy, its not even a love story.

The Conqueror Worm
Sucked big time. Unless I somehow missed some subtle things the author was trying to express... To be fair to Donaldson there's not much you can do with a centipede. Whatever!

Ser Visal's Tale
Another really good story. I liked Ser Visal's piety/sarcasm. Donaldson can spin a good tale.

Writing Champagne

Taken from the introduction of Daughter of Regals and Other Tales by Stephen R. Donaldson

"... in many circles the short story is regarded as a higher art form than the novel. A novel is to a short story as beer is to champagne. In a novel, the writer simply stands back and throws words at his subject until some of them stick -- an ordeal from which the subject generally emerges spattered but unbowed. But in a short story the words, being so few, must be carefully placed on the subject (in the pockets, so to speak, or perhaps behind the ears) in order to have any impact at all. Thus the short story appears to demand more of both reader and writer. The reader must become adept at perceiving the writer's meaning as it peeps past the lapels of the subject -- or the writer must become expert at tucking his intent here and there so that it still shows."

------

Interesting... Never thought of writing short stories in this way. Since short stories makes for easier reading I somehow thought that it would also be easier writing. Just goes to show how much I know about writing. : )

Vampires of Old

Finished the last few pages of Dracula last night. The story was pretty refreshing since I am more exposed to Anne Rice's "humanized" vampires. Compared to Lestat, Armand, Louie, Marius and the other vampires, Count Dracula and his mistresses seemed way more monstrous. The vampires of old seem not to retain much of what makes them humans. They are driven mostly by the need for blood and their instinct to kill rather than whatever motives drove them when they were still humans (greed, love, need for power, and desire to learn). What makes them more interesting, however, is the powers that they possess (ability to shapeshift and to command the more vicious or undesirable animals), their limitations, and the ways to restrain (house invitations, garlic, the host and the rosary) and destroy them( stake through the heart and decapitation). To me these old beliefs are new since Rice's civilized vampires do not possess those powers and scoff at the supposed limitations, regarding them as superstitions.

Block

I have nothing to say...

Sick Reader

Yes I am one sick reader... Tsk tsk. I've been ill for several days now, hence, the silence.

Started reading Dracula last night. I was so scared by the first three chapters that I had to hide my neck under the blanket...just in case. Thank God my father came home from his trip at around 1:30a.m. and broke the spell. I dont think I could have turned off my light if he didn't arrive. Not finished with the book yet but it seems pretty good. Will try to finish reading it by tomorrow night.

Books Read

Friday Night: Let's Travel to France

"...Two loves have I, my country and France..."

An old old book my sister won in a school lottery when she was in 6th grade. The book was published in 1969 (I wasn't even born yet!) so its rather outdated but I still love to read and look at it from time to time. The book gave me and my sister a "love" for France, a country we've never seen but hope to someday visit.

Saturday Night: Comanche Moon by Larry McMurtry

A prequel to Lonesome Dove. Wild wild west. Texas Rangers. Scalping. Tortures. Simple people driven by simple needs and wants. Lonesome Dove is still way better than Comanche Moon or Dead Man's Walk but they're must reads if your a fan of Woodrow Call and Gus McCrae for it gives more insight to their character.

Upcoming Book: Dracula by Bram Stoker

Can't believe that I've never read this classic! I'm pretty excited since I have a slight fixation with vampires. It's crazy coz I dont really believe that vampires exist but i still get scared silly thinking of them... Special thanks to Cel for lending me the book.

More books please I'm dying here from "new books starvation". One can only read and re-read books so many times before you suddenly roll over and die of boredom

Toilet Reading

Wasn't able to read anything last night except Mark's text messages. So I guess I'll just write about toilet reading today.

Toilet reading - v. Reading while sitting on the toilet bowl usually while performing the daily ritual of body cleansing.

So what made me decide to write about toilet reading? Simple.... I am an avid toilet reader. Note, not habitual but avid. I cannot seem to go inside the comfort room without something to read (not including public CRs of course).

Top Five Toilet Reading Material:

1. Archie Comics - Archie is the ultimate toilet reading material because the stories are short enough so that when somebody (usually my Mom) shouts that they need to use the toilet, I can finish the story without having to hurry. Besides I don't have to use much brain power to read it, I just look at the pictures and laugh.

2. National Geographic - This comes close to Archie. The magazine is so full of pictures that I usually just look at the them and their captions. National Geographic is actually better in a way since it is a lot more educational than Archie Comics.

3. Edith Hamilton's Greek Mythology - This book is a compilation of short stories on (tada!) Greek Mythology. I especially love reading the stories on lovers, they're interesting and are just the right length for toilet reading. I love Cupid's love story!

4. Star Trek - Any Star Trek book will do. Of course I don't finish the entire book inside the comfort room or my mom will have a fit. Besides it gets pretty uncomfortable sitting there after a few minutes. But since you can the book in an hour or two you can continue your toilet reading to bedside reading...

5. AVON brochures - My mom is an AVON lady so we have a lot of brochures lying around. When I really really have to go to the bathroom and can't seem to find a suitable toilet reading material I just grab the latest brochure and thumb through it. The only problem with this one is that it makes me want to buy almost everything in the brochure! Hmmm... Maybe I should tell my mom to put brochures with her number in public toilets. I bet it will boost her sales. Ha!

A Year Delayed

One of my favorite writer's site (Pancit Canton) has been closed for over a year now and I just found out from him! Ha! So now I'm reading through his archives and it makes me smile....

This is how I found out that its been closed for 1 year:

Jae: last yr pa ung little prince layout na yan ah
htasarra: nya
htasarra: sori ha ngayon lng ulit na balik eh
htasarra: la na akong net presence except gaming for soooo long
Jae: eh 1 yr nang sarado ung pancit canton
htasarra: ganun ba?
htasarra: joke?
htasarra: bakala ka!
htasarra: bakla pala
Jae: >>
Jae: ??
Jae: http://www.peyups.com/pancitcanton/instant.php
htasarra: nya
htasarra: napaka observant ko
htasarra: 2003 not 2004
htasarra: sigh......
htasarra: sad....
Jae: hehe
htasarra: well meron pa rin naman ako puntahan pag nalulungkot ako...
htasarra: archives n nga lang


Oh well he's still my favorite mushy writer.

First Post: My excuse in life.

I have decided to start a blog about books I've read or am reading. And I guess this is it...

The other night I read an old copy of Sweet Dreams and it brought out the giggly bimbo in me. Oh how I miss those teenage years full of flirting... (wink wink)

Last night was I was feeling a tad more intellectual so I started reading an excerpt from Plato's The Republic. And it struck me (as it does about once a week) how pitiful a state our country is in. According to Mr. Plato the state must be wise, brave, temperate and just, with emphasis on justice. To him justice is minding one's own business and not meddling with other men's concerns . Its does not mean being uncaring and self-absorbed, rather it means fulfilling you proper function in society. To him artists should make art and legislators should make laws. Reversing roles or doing something against your nature is an injustice. Well then I say, the world is full of injustice today.

But hey, I'm a fine one to talk when I am still totally confused as to what nature has designed me to be. Maybe I was designed to be full of contradictions just so I can have an excuse to go flitting from one job to the next all my life. I was designed to explore and not just be one thing! Now nobody can dare make me stay put coz that will be an injustice. : )