When My Dreams Stare Me Right to My Face

And when I feel the world crumbling around me again, I only have to think about this moment and be able to believe that my prayers can truly be answered, and that though the answers may not come in the form we imagined them, it doesn't make it any less perfect or sweet.

Here's to the words my love uttered. The words that I may never remember exactly as they were said, but that my heart will always cherish. May it nourish my soul during times of doubt.

Yeah, I think I can be patient now, I can fight the pain and the fear, because I do believe that someday things will work out fine...

Celebrating the True Meaning of Christmas with a Hymn

Merry Christmas everyone!



AMAZING GRACE

Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev'd;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believ'd!

Thro' many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis'd good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call'd me here below,
Will be forever mine.

- John Newton, Olney Hymns, 1779 -

On Taking Control of Our Future

For far too long I have been a victim of myself and my choices. Being powerless to change past circumstances and mistakes, I mistakenly let feelings of hopelessness take over me. Thankfully, recent painful events have jolted me out of my cycle. As my therapist said, it is only when the pain of the now outweighs the pain and fear of change that most people ever change at all. No matter how much pain I had and have to go through, I'm truly thankful for it because I know that it has helped me move forward in life.

One of the best advice about the past I've read is from Mort Fertel. Here's a snippet of what he said about how to get over your past (and past your hurt). If you're also hurting right now, I hope this somehow helps you see past your hurt too.

"...you don’t have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, “Why is this happening to me?” But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense.

In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good!

It’s the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it’s your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since YOU are in charge of your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past."

Here's to the future, second chances, and the power to rewrite the meaning of our past!

Looking Back for Hope

I find myself looking back to a moment that gave me hope during the darkest nights of my life. Little did I know that worse things were coming, that my faith in me, in the world, and all I believe in and hold dear would get shaken to core in ways I never dreamed of.

Yet 6 years later, changed in ways I could never have imagine, both songs still resonate in my heart. One brings tears to my eyes, making me wonder if the changes in me have come too late. The answer eludes me, but what I know is the water hasn't run dry in me. It still has not.

The other song continues to inspire, making me realize that in this moment of brokenness this for me really is a chance to return to innocence, a chance to return to myself.

"If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself, don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence"

My Take On James Soriano's Controversial Article

I just read James Soriano's controversial article (finally!), and I have to hand it to him for being honest. That doesn't mean though that his words "it is not the language of the learned" sits well with me.

While it is true that English is the language used in our schools and board rooms (I was asleep while being operated on so I have no idea what language they used in the operating room :p), his conclusion that "it is not the language of the learned" is simply false, even downright stupid. It also irks me that he considers the English language to be a "tongue of privilege", and to which he even partially attributes his success in life, thinking that as long as he has mastery of the language he will always have his "connections".

Forgive me if I get a bit prickly, but the snob in me is aroused every time I encounter people (or at least the writings of people in this case) who deem themselves well educated when what they are doing/saying/writing is proving them otherwise. I'm not saying James Soriano is a total idiot, nor that he didn't get an education. What I am saying is that he hasn't educated himself enough in this particular issue to arrive at the proper conclusions, and more importantly to school himself to conquering his biases towards the Filipino language and his fellow countrymen.

I say he arrived at the wrong conclusions because what he might not realize is that some of the best minds in the country do use Filipino as their medium for creating art. The use of the Filipino language is not relegated to art alone either, with professionals using the language to converse everyday not just to communicate with the "uneducated yayas and drivers" but simply because it is their language of choice. Masarap pong mag Filipino. I can think of more examples, but what's the point?

Another thing that I think needs pointing out is the fact that the lack of mastery of the Filipino language actually indicates a lack of learning on our part. Yes, myself included. It angers me that we Filipinos put a premium in learning other languages (not just the English language), but do not applaud those who have mastered our very own language nor count it as a sign of an educated man. That is truly crazy because language is just a tool we can use to be able to understand concepts and ideas, communicate with more people clearly, and ultimately to broaden our perspectives and get a real education. Hence, the more languages we learn, the more chances we have of learning new things. There is no one language of the learned. What Mr Soriano said is plain and simple hogwash. To believe that there is one such language, is to have a shallow understanding of what education is really about.

On another note, what truly frustrates me is that Mr. Soriano is not alone in his dismissal of the Filipino language as being irrelevant in this day and age. Parents and teachers alike are still sending wrong signals to kids these days with their English-only rules. I know that in most cases that is not the intention at all, but what else will kids conclude if they are being banned from speaking Filipino? Like James Soriano, kids are apt to think that it is because English is more desirable than Filipino, and God forbid, that the Filipino language is only for their yayas. Without even realizing it, kids are being taught to treat their yayas differently and to be condescending towards others. Ask yourself, is the early mastery of the English language worth teaching kids wrong attitudes towards our own language and their fellow human beings? Or maybe there is another way of helping them get ahead in this world without having to sacrifice their respect for the Filipino language, while teaching them to truly connect to other Filipinos on a human level. I say, just let them learn what language they will. After all kids are like sponges and will likely learn both the English and Filipino language (even more) if you just let them. Teach them to appreciate both, and even more importantly, pass on to them a real love for learning. Not just the learning you will get from reading textbooks to get a high salary, but the kind of learning that would make them aspire to never stop growing.

In the end, I think this issue is even more pressing than whether Filipino is for the learned or not, and whether Mr Soriano is offensive or not. You can even say that he is to be thanked for his candidness because it inspired (hopefully) productive thought and discussion in our country (or at least in Facebook). The question is not whether he and Manila Bulletin (their taking down his post was a stupid move) learned something from the big hoopla, but if we learned something from his biases and shallow thinking.