Wednesday, December 29, 2004

I just finished reading today's article in the online version of Our Daily Bread, a devotion guide that I grew up with. The article, entitled Incompatible?, reminded me of how important it is to deal with relationships in the right manner.

Although I am the type who generally gets along pretty well with almost anyone and everyone I meet, when I get really irked or someone rubs me the wrong way it's quite hard for me to give that person a second chance. I hold my few grudges very dearly... I don't scream at the person or act cold, rather as a civilized human being, I just stay away and keep my irritation or resentment bottled up deep inside. Mark feels extremely uncomfortable when I get this way because he says its just not like me. But the problem is, it is exactly like me. An excuse as lame as it is true.

Incompatible reminded me that in every relationship, and yes we do have a relationship with every person we've met, we have to show "compassion for one another, be tenderhearted, and be courteous...". It may sound daunting and even impossible to treat each and every person that comes our way in this manner. Yes, courtesy is pretty easy, but what about compassion and tenderheartedness? That is the challenge.

We have become such civilized, logical, practical people that sometimes there is little room left for love. We tend to box our lives and make little compartments where every relationship is labelled. I will do this much for relationships labelled A, only this much for type B relationships and I try so hard to close the lid on relationships labelled Z. We try to pretend that some people do not exist, afterall it must be better to ignore someone than have to deal with or forgive the *******. We have to open the lids to Z relationships and look at it closely. We have to learn not to run away from relationships we'd rather not have. We have to examine how to deal with incompatibilities and still show compassion and love.

I'm sure I'll choke on these words when I meet some of my "favorite" people. But hopefully it'll spur me to at least try little by little to learn to deal with them better.

***************
"What counts most in creating a successful team is not how compatible its players are, but how they deal with incompatibility." -- Sports Illustrated

10 comments:

Nikki said...

"What counts most in creating a successful team is not how compatible its players are, but how they deal with incompatibility." -- Sports IllustratedA good one, that. But, sometimes, you don't have to be in a team.. Dealing with incompatibility where it doesn't matter is wasteful effort.. Most especially for the "anti-social" ones.. Not that I'm saying that I am one.. Although I am.. So, now I've said it.. And, I've said too much..

Celedor said...

Jenoa: A bit surprised that there exist people who rub you the wrong way. Then again, I would venture that the workplace brings together a lot of people from different worlds.


To put a "logical, practical" spin :) on it - You never know when you may need someone's help - so its probably best to get along with everyone you meet. Selfish, ne?

JAm said...

sana mabasa nya 'to...

Nikki said...

..so its probably best to get along with everyone you meet..Not really.. You just have to not rub others the wrong way (--> eeeww!!).. Getting along with them will have to wait when it's really necessary..

Anonymous said...

it is hard to be compassionate to people you don't quite mesh well with, and... well, it is hard to be compassionate. haha. it's so easy to pretend some people don't exist, noh?

hehe, inspiring!

ate han, lipat ka na sa lj!

www.livejournal.com/~sweetness_ick

Raven and Stormcrow said...

Must.. kill.. them.. all...

I feel that way whenever I get a religous forward from my officemates. But, in such an environment I really can't afford to rock the boat pointlessly (even though I would love to evangelize).

But, isn't it dishonest not to argue with people you really really disagree with?

Jenoa said...

I don't mean that you have to deliberately seek out these people. And I don't mean that you have to smile and complacently agree with everything they say or do. That's total fakedom. What's important is that whenever you do encounter them you have to try to be genuine. Disagree if you must, but try to do so in a respectful manner. And by a respectful manner I do not mean condenscending but rather try to understand the person (although I guess it might take eons to understand some people) so as to be able to genuinely respect them and even feel compassion. Its not easy, and as I said before, maybe even near impossible. But hey, there's no harm in trying... :-)

Nikki said...

"I don't mean that you have to deliberately seek out these people."But that would be fun! *ka-click* stalks xxxx.."What's important is that whenever you do encounter them you have to try to be genuine. Disagree if you must..Why, I am being truthful when I don't talk to people I don't like, and deliberately try not to notice them.. It's the only way not to let them see how they irritate me.. Like styro rubbing against styro.. Fingernails scratching a chalkboard.. Arrgh!"..so as to be able to genuinely respect them and even feel compassion. Its not easy, and as I said before, maybe even near impossible."That's the thing. Compassion, and especially pity, is hard to come by, when the other person is consciously "bad". You can't pity that person easily, if you know that his decisions are made willingly and are sound according to his reasoning.

"But hey, there's no harm in trying..."But there is! Some people are beyond "saving" if they really aren't open to what others may say. Trying to convince them to change may appear as "coaxing, to the point of mocking" them, and might only make them worse.

El Raichu said...

It's all about liberties. You have the liberty to do whatever you want as long as you don't step on those of other people. I can think the sh*ttiest things about people, but I'm not supposed to kill them.

If you believe in god, remember that god has a special love for when we don't feel like loving other people, especially if we don't feel compatible with them. God wants us to love one another, but he's willing to give us his love so that we can deal with people who we just can't get along with. "Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of god, and everyone that loveth is born of god and knoweth god. He that loveth not knoweth not god for god is love." 1 John 4:7-8. Wow, I still find it hard to believe that Psalty actually burned that song into my head.

Now, if you're a dumbass like me, I highly suggest you bring an extra clip for your ak-47, as well as a couple of c4 charges.

Most people fall in between these extremes though.

Nikki's correct. You really don't have to really get along with other people; you can think the sh*ttiest things about them, as long as you don't kill them or step on their ingrown toenail.

Ravenstormcrow said "isn't it dishonest not to argue with people you really really disagree with?" Not really. Take his case, for example. If he receives a religious e-mail with which he disagrees, he's free to tell the recipient that he'd rather not receive such. He doesn't have to go into a lengthy debate over the existence of god. Debate is pointless; god's inexistence is unprovable anyway. The recipient probably wouldn't care and then tell him not to debate with him anymore.

Nikki said that some people are beyond "saving". That is not truly just; imagine what could have happened to me if my mother deemed me as such during my days of delinquency back in college. Imagine what could have happened to the guy who owns the bakery in our place if his children thought he was beyond "saving". You can ask yourself whether other people think of you the same way before you take that philosophy.

Excellent post. Gott would love this one. How I wish this were on LiveJournal; there's so much content but I can't style it the way I want!

angel said...

I'll nominate you and this entry for Warm Bodies: Project 2 . Yup! Yup! Okay lang ba Jenoa? Of course.