I was looking for Sophie's World when I chanced upon my sister's book (Disappointment With God by Phillip Yancey). I skimmed trough it but the very first words I read, which was actually a quotation, made my mind whirl.
"You do not have to sit outside in the dark.
If, however, you want to look at the stars,
you will find that darkness is required.
The stars neither require nor demand it."
-- Annie Dillard
I couldn't go on reading the book because I'm afraid. I'm just starting to be in full control of my life again. I feel like I've been sitting in the dark for so long...maybe, far too long. But still I just can't look up! I bow my head and refuse to look at the stars, afraid that when I do, no stars will be shining for me.
"Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
when I looked for light, then came darkness.
The churning inside me never stops."
from Job 30:26-27