Walking in the Rain

I have always liked rainy days. It might simply be that in this country the rain provides respite from the heat but it might also be because the rain makes me feel a bit more at peace.

When we were kids my sister and I used to go out and play in the rain enjoying the moment despite the fact that we ended up shivering and almost unable to move much sometimes (at least I remember me shivering and feeling that way). Each time the sun started to peek out I felt both disappointment and relief since I knew I could go in and take a long hot shower...another thing I really loved.

The other day, when I wrote the post about being upset, I decided to take a long walk in the rain. I needed some exercise to get a healthy dose of endorphins and to get me started in my quest to get in shape. Donning on my new rubber shoes (which we got at half the price at Ali Mall ^_^...Don't you love introductory prices?) and this dry-fit shirt I bought a year ago (also on sale then...hehe) but was then too tight for me (yes I fit in it now! Yay!), I said bye to Sam and his yaya, who was scurrying to give me an umbrella. I pretended not to hear Gemalyn and went on my not-so-merry way.

Walking in the rain in this city proved to be a very interesting thing to do. Some of the reasons (I'm sure I'm bound to forget some of the interesting stuff I noticed then) why it was really interesting for me was....

1. People kept looking at me strangely - This guy, who was selling old umbrellas that were obviously stolen or at least scavenged , approached me but suddenly veered away when he realized that I was enjoying the rain. It seemed that some people were scared. I loved it.
2. People offered me an umbrella and jeepney drivers shouted at me to get off the rain and ride instead - This wouldn't have been so strange if they did this to everyone without umbrellas. The thing is, there were plenty of people with heads down scurrying to get out of the rain and nobody seemed to really notice them. I, on the other hand, who obviously was enjoying the rain, kept on being "helped" by people. It was nice but it would have been nicer if people noticed those who were actually in need and not just those who were doing something that was not the norm.
3. I broke a sweat from walking but didn't feel sticky - Really stupid for this to be interesting because the rain obviously washed away the sweat. It is still interesting for me though because I now know of another way to exercise (aside from swimming) and not be bothered about the heat and the sweat. I do not really like exercising and the sticky feeling (especially on a humid day) is one of the many factors why I feel that way.
4. I wasn't bothered by the air pollution - I started walking after it had already been raining for hours. It was great breathing in (though I still didn't take deep breaths) the air in EDSA and not feel all choked up with the smog.
5. There were less vagrants in EDSA - The rain really does keep people indoors. Even the beggars didn't like to get wet much and no one bothered me while it was raining hard. On my way back from Quezon Ave (yes I walked all the way there from out house) the rain had abated and the little kids were already out pestering me for coins and the doughnuts I bought for Gemalyn.

If you've never walked in the rain, you really must try it. Make sure you take a hot shower after though or you're guaranteed to get the sniffles. If you want a relaxing walk where you can meditate a bit or simply daydream I suggest you take a walk in LB or in UP Diliman. If you do want to see people weirded out by you though, EDSA or any other main street in the city would be a great place to do it. Make sure to look up and close your eyes with arms a little outstretched for maximum effect. ^_^

Oh...and this brings me to my next topic...Who wants to join me do something ala Improv Everywhere here in the Philippines. It should be fun! Leave a comment if you don't know my email or phone number and I'll get back to you. ^_^

Upset...My Fault

I really need to get my act together. There's so much to do and so little time and I keep squandering it away on senseless sleep. I have been sleeping way too much again and considering I've been juggling 2 "freelance" jobs plus Sam it's been inevitable that I keep on dropping the ball. I hate depression. It's so crippling. It's like trying to screw your head on right and finding that the screw's threading is all loose. Or like folding a silk blouse that comes undone each time you lift it up to pack it away.

I'm feeling all gloomy for the moment but I know I can kick this. I even know how but the weird thing is I keep on forgetting how. I need energy. I need a push. I need to pluck up some courage and face this stupid monster.

I'm sick of myself for today. I'm glad I am though because this usually means I'm getting ready to clean up my act.

And no...I don't need your advice nor your sympathy. I need to process this and make it right. I'm just thinking out loud. Give me a few hours and I'll be back with a more cheerful, positive outlook.

Just in Time for Blog Action Day: 11th Hour

Mistakes can lead to unexpected yet delightful results. The other night Mark and I decided to go on a date and watch a movie despite the already strained budget. We originally planned on seeing Stardust (the book was fun) but decided to go with The 11th Hour after seeing Leonardo di Caprio's name on the bond paper where the synopsis of the movie was written. After seeing Blood Diamond and knowing Leo's latest choice of roles we were prepared for a good movie. We never even realized that he was the producer nor did we realize that the film was a documentary (I was too busy thinking of putting on the new socks I bought since the socks I was wearing got wet right before we left home and I only had one pair!). Imagine our surprise and disappointment when we realized that we were in for a documentary. Definitely not date material! Turns out it was the most well spent P130 (each) of this year so far.

"The 11th Hour" is a feature length documentary concerning the environmental crises caused by human actions and their impact on the planet. "The 11th Hour" documents the cumulative impact of these actions upon the planet's life systems and calls for restorative action through a reshaping of human activity.

The film, though most apt for Americans, is just as relevant to us Filipinos and anyone else, anywhere else in the world. It starts out by making you realize how deep in shit the world is and then proceeds to explain why this happened. The great thing about the film though is that it gives VIABLE solutions to the problems. It makes you see hope. It makes you (or at least me) feel idealistic again.

I remember as a little girl how we were taught to value the environment. Apparently I really did take those lessons to heart because as I was growing up my family used to tease me a bit about being an environmentalist. Far from it offending me I wore that tag like a badge and though mostly quiet about it, I still proudly think of myself as one. Lately though I've been more quiet about it not insisting that other people "see the light". I still take care not to use too much tissue paper (I used to take pains to use as little as possible but lately I haven't been so obsessive about it). I still sometimes ask those in sari sari stores and the market to just put everything in one plastic bag or to just hand whatever it was I purchased over without putting them into plastic bags to reduce wastage. I still insist on turning off appliances and the faucet to save electricity and water (and money of course!). And I still feel guilty about all those trees being cut off when I waste paper. That being said, I still act like the frugal weird girl my kin sometimes saw me as, except that it isn't that noticeable anymore and I refrain from telling people to help save the environment unless I am with a little child (I love educating kids...they listen.).

Anyway my "non-activism" does shame me now. I see my mistake. I see how all this is but one of the symptoms of an inner ailment of my soul, of how I have slowly been losing the things I believed in as a child. I am glad that I saw 11th Hour because it was an affirmation of all things that are good that I believed in. The film might be seen by most as an environmental film (which in itself is more than noble enough) but to me it is a reminder to go back to the simple truths in life. The simple truths which include all those corny things like cleanliness, discipline, fairness, justice, faith, hope, love and...world peace.

It is true that each one of us is but a pixel in this impossibly huge picture. Nevertheless I am proud to say that I am determined to make sure that I wouldn't be a dead pixel. I will contribute. It alone will not be enough to save our planet but it might be enough to help make sure that there would be other pixels out there who will decide to not die or even better, come to life again. Hey this is one of the monsters I was talking about. Hollering out to everybody to come join the fight to save our planet and save ourselves in the process!!!

Useful stuff:
Blog Action Day - Blog to Save the Environment (it's already the 16th in the Philippines but it's still the 15th in the US...and even if you're late please do blog about the environment still)
Fight Global Warming - Lot's of information here. Please at least read the "What You Can Do" section.
11th Hour Action - Take action. This isn't just a USA thing. This is an US thing. We all need to take action.

Monsters Be Dead

These days I have been alternating between trying to ignore the facts of life and stopping too much to re-evaluate the things going on around me. Today I have decided that at the risk of over analyzing things, I'd rather take a step back to re-evaluate my life. There's too much at stake now to just let life happen. I need to take an active role in making sure that my life is headed towards something that really does matter.

Though taking one blow after another is often mistaken as resilience I have come to realize that many times it also is a form of cowardice. Instead of stopping to face the real monster behind all the troubles that keeps bopping us on the head like snowballs we hunch our shoulders and steadfastly plod on trying to get to our goals. Now I have no problem about being steadfast and resilient. It is a good trait. But when was the last time you took a look around, faced the monster, and went for it? If I were to be honest I would say I couldn't even remember when I did that. Oh I do take a look around, pin point several monsters and squish the little irritating ones when they are within my reach. But when I see big ones I do what many people do - I shrug and say something to the effect that this is life..blah blah blah. I just have to make do with what I have...blah blah blah. It is just more convenient and less scary to face the real monsters. After all what if the monster ends up being stronger than we are? What good will it do facing something that seems unbeatable?

Here's what you'll find when you do face monsters:

1. You will find that most monster are smaller and easier to squish once you actually go out of your way to fight them. Problem(s) solved.
2. You will find that the hard road called life will be a little easier to travel with monsters out of the way.
3. You will find that though there are really big monsters that will leave you bruised and bloodied in the end you will still heal and know that you are stronger in the end.
4. By removing the big monster you will have done not only yourself, but also those whose lives are touched by that monster, a big favor.
5. You will find that when you meet a monster you cannot possibly win a fight against, if you just continue the fight and raise your voice for help, there will be people to help you win the battle.
6. You will find that what you thought was time wasted on stopping to fight your monsters is actually much much less than the time you will have spent crying in the end because of all the headaches too much snowballs have lent you. It might even save your life!
7. You will find that fighting those battles is part of what life is all about.

So this is what it comes to. I have been taking a good hard look at my life. I am not yet done taking a good hard look at it. It is a difficult thing to do. Facing the truth. It's so hard it brings out all the monsters from wherever they are hiding. This time I know I can't fight them all at the same time. And this time I have been raising my voice for help while squishing the smaller ones as I go deeper into monster land. Hopefully, when I come out I'll be bloodied but the path will be clearer for me and for those who walk life with me...my husband and my son. I cannot tackle their personal monsters but at least I can tackle mine and prevent those from affecting their lives.

How about you? Will you try to be brave enough the monsters in your life? If you can't call me. Email me. I'm willing to be scared with you until you feel brave enough to take a small peek and squish the smallest one you can.

To all those who have helped me fight, are helping me fight, or just was plained scared with me each time I needed to face a monster. Thank you. There are still lots of monsters on their way I feel a little safer because I know I can depend on you. You know who you are.

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I was thinking of placing a kick ass monster image here but I need to ask permission from Ruben de Vela. To the few who doesn't know Ruben he is a friend and one of the greatest artists out there. Do visit his page! I will be emailing him to ask for permission to post some of his works here. In the meantime make do with the monsters I found at Wikimedia Commons. ^_^

Image details:
Title: Loch Ness Monster (oilpainting)
Artist: Hugo Josef Heikenwaelder, Austria

Wish List

It's almost Christmas and I have my wish list up on my sidebar. ;-)

Ok so the truth is that i didn't put it up for Christmas but am experimenting with this Amazon Affiliates thing. Knowing my audience though I probably wouldn't earn even a cent (just like in Adsense). Still keeping it up because I am learning lots of things and it'll be useful for when I finally set up my pet projects. I do hope I earn from my own blogs/websites eventually. So don't be surprised if different ads and what nots keep on popping up and disappearing in this blog for the next few weeks. BTW I really do need a nicer header. Who feels like making me one? I have no talent whatsoever when it comes to anything artistic.

In the meantime though my wish list will serve to help remind my hubby about the gifts that I do want to receive. ^_^

Movie Time

I've been watching and watching and watching movies lately. Most of the movies are pretty good with the exception of Ghost Rider. I was really disappointed with it since I'm a Nick Cage fan.

Anyway here's a quick rundown of the more noteworthy ones (listed in no particular order).

Knocked Up - I really really enjoyed this movie. The funny thing is that I enjoyed it not for the comedy (although it was really funny too) but for the truths behind the comedy. Coincidentally I've been reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", which gave me a different perspective as to how I saw the men on the movie. If I hadn't read parts of the book before seeing the movie I would have flat out decided that the guys were jerks, But now, I do understand their side a bit. Just a bit. I loved it so much I would even go as far as saying that's it's genius. It does bring up some "once-intense-but-now-funny" memories of when I first found out I was pregnant with Sam! Hilarious. A must-see for all couples...especially those who got wed out of wedlock (and have gotten over it).

Oh, and it also made me miss my thesis days with the guys. We didn't do any drugs but the mess and the "bumness" and the love. The eeky couch, the days spent talking about nothing, running around after the rats, staring at my monitor not knowing what to do and having Ed, Nik, and Mark do them for me, having Cel look over my shoulder to tell me I'm doing great (even when I feel like I'm getting knowing), playing NFS on Brian's PC, and watching Brian harass the guys! Just has to make you smile. I feel fortunate to have experienced that kind of camaraderie even if it did have to end.

Resident Evil: Extinction - I just love Resident Evil. I used to shy away from thrillers/horror movies because I just got so scared and wasted my time since I almost always kept my eyes closed throughout the movie. But after seeing the first Resident Evil (and I've never played the game) I just got hooked. Must be the action side that got me. Of course it certainly helps that I totally love Mila Jovovich. Girly mode: My favourite outfit by far is the one on this movie. I couldn't find a photo of her on the motorbike with goggles on so this will have to do. So cool. Some people might not have watched it yet so I should move on before I write some spoilers here.

Babel - The awards it won speaks for the movie. I don't really know what to say about it but that you should just watch it. Oh, and the fact that the movie overshadowed Brad Pitt for me says a lot! It really is sad though. To those who don't know the real story behind the Tower of Babel (and believe me or not there are those who don't) please read your Bible first so that you can put the whole movie into context. It would be a shame to not be able to appreciate the story because you haven't read Genesis 11 yet.

Still got plenty of movies to go but I think 3 is enough for today. Will be posting more movies by next week!

Blogging to Do Something

Not that I lack stuff to do. In fact I have LOTS of stuff to write and blogs to spruce up (not mine but for my job). I could also do some cleaning in the house. Or playing with Sam (he's asleep though) or doing a hundred different things...even just take a shower. I haven't even had a shower! So what? I'm having a bad day and at least I'm blogging to get out of bed. Since I'm in a lazy blog mode I thought I'd just respond to Kris' tag, which is actually something I have done before (read my post on Weird Things About Me). I do know there might be a few more weird things about me though so I might as well add them on the list.

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Note feeling so much better...Sam woke up and is laughing for no reason. Got to hug him and rough him up.
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SO here's my new list. BTW to make things easier for me I'm copying some items from Kris' weird list. It's all pretty funny but if I were his wife his 9 lives wouldn't do him any good. She must be an angel or just has a really high tolerance for pain.

1. "Sometime I randomly get scenes flash in my head about harming people out of the blue." Don't feel like going into details but my violent visions sometimes disturbs me.

2. "When seated at a restaurant, I need to sit in the seat where the least amount of people could sit behind me, and I prefer to face the door too." This is no longer true for me but it was from grade school up until college (?). I blame Robert Ludlum for this one.

3. "I want to be rich then give all my money away to poor people, save for enough to leave my family well off." I think everyone is this way though except for the real scrooges. But I'm adding this anyone to get one more item on my list.

4. I have girl crushes. Remembered to put this one because of Jam's post on man crush. Currently my girl crush is Mila Jovovich. She's pregnant, fat, and still sexy. Huh? True! Look at her pic here. I loooove Resident Evil.

5. I can live without meat but not without veggies. Ok, so this isn't to weird considering all the vegetarians out there. I just found this blog (What the Hell Does a Vegan Eat Anyway) and I'm feeling inspired. Will try to add more variety to the veggie dishes I know. Hope the blogger doesn't mind that I hotlinked to the page and stole this pic. BTW it's a red pepper enchilada with tomatillo sauce. Whatever the heck that is.
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Need to pause. Sam just fell off the mattress again. LOL. He is so funny.
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6. I find it funny when my son falls off the mattress.

7. I hate waking up when I have an unresolved issue in my dream. If I do wake up I force myself to sleep again and resolve the issue - give it closure, before continuing with my day. This way I waste a lot of days. I am too attached to my dreams.

8. I tend to daydream about those i love - dying. It's been this way since I was a kid. I would daydream until I got so scared or sad that I cried. So if I think of you dead that means you must be on my "most loved list." I hate this fact nowadays because sometimes I feel guilty that maybe it is the reason why Sam got sick. Doesn't make sense huh?

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I can't really think of anything more right now. Will just update this if I do to make it ten. Leaving 2 blanks. Tell me if you know of some weird thing about me I might have missed.
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9.

10.

Cyber Party and a Trip Down Memory Lane

I was just looking for a good mom site and found the Cyber Shower Party at 5MinutesforMoms. Of course it interested me. Who has ever heard of a cyber shower party? (And no dear high school guy friends it's not the kind of shower you're thinking of, it's a baby shower.) So anyway I decided to join in the fun. Problem is I don't really have anything to post on my blog. I know I won't win with this photo (they're looking for the most brutal after birth photo...just head to the site to get an idea ok?) but scanning my old posts I found this cure pic of Sam. This was taken by Armi on Sam's 1st or 2nd day in this world.


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Looking back. I realize how easier it was in the beginning to have faith that he will get well and be alright. As time goes by though it (PWS) gets more depressing. The medical problems just keep adding up. If it weren't for the other blessings in my life and if Sam weren't so darned cute and well-behaved (...and lovable and sometimes even funny and I could go on an on...) I would be jumping off our balcony right now. Thank God for the good things in life. Thank God for the little strength he makes sure we always have left. Thank God that despite everything Sam will always be a miracle to me. He's still alive, isn't he? He still makes me laugh everyday, doesn't he? He might not grow up to be smart nor an athlete but he will still be the pride of my life.

BookishBimbo Transformation

Woohoo! Finally got around to sprucing up my own blog! Just a little more tweaking and I'm set to write more regularly as well as really start on my pet project. I do feel good right now. What do you think of the new look?

Things left to be done:

1. Add blogroll - Need to learn how to put an expandable one.
2. Update my Google Reader so that the blog's worth sharing will have new stuff in it.
3. Figure out why Technorati's acting wonky and won't post correctly.
4. Change my subheading to a more positive one.
5. Fix labels - categorize and label ALL old posts (shudder!)