There must be something wrong...

...with this world. There must be.

Why else would parents willingly go back to a place where they see their children crying and crying and crying. Sit down. Flip some magazines. Smile while their child screams. Smile even harder when the other child does too. Turn around to the other parent. Smile at each other. Laugh when the children do something funny. Yes. Funny. Funny like exhibiting some anti-social behavior, or get a bit pinned down by the other child as they sit back to back while they learn how to master the art of sitting, or while the two little tots sit and nod their heads wide-eyed at the bigger girl who's been put on restraints because she just wouldn't follow.

There must be something wrong with this world when parents, strangers just a few minutes ago, sit down beside each other and swap the names of the children's neurologists, geneticists, developmental pediatricians, ophthalmologists and all those other doctors as a way of getting acquainted.

There must be something wrong when a stranger asks you politely whether your son has seizures too and whether his medication causes him to get stoned as well. And when you politely say he might she just answers its alright you'll get used to it. There must be something wrong when you start getting used to all the deformities, abnormalities, disorders, sicknesses and ugliness you see around you. In the back of my head all I can think is that I'm tired of "getting used" to things...because some days it hits me and I realize you can never really get used to these things.

I couldn't believe that there is JUST something wrong with our children. There must be something wrong with this world. Tell me what's wrong with this world?

Wrong Number

Tried to call Sam's geneticist to set up an appointment. I mistakenly included our country code along with the rest of the number and probably pressed a wrong key as well. Realizing my mistake, I immediately pressed the plunger only to hear someone answer, "Hello.", in a very cute voice as I released it. So I answered back although in a hesitant manner. This is how the phone conversation went...

Girl: Hello.
Me: Ahh. Hello. Eto po ba ang clinic ni Dr. de la Paz?
Girl: Oh. No. No. No. Wrong number. This is the WORLD BANK IN MALDIVES.

Stunned but pretending not to be I managed to mumble something I can't remember and probably said bye and thank you. Now what boggles me is that we don't have the IDD feature so how can I call overseas even if I dialed a wrong number. I would like to try dialing a valid number abroad but can't think of anyone to call and don't want to get billed just for being curious. Now the question is whether or not I will be billed for calling Maldives and will I lie about it if I do. After all we aren't supposed to be able to make the call at all and would probably be excused from paying. ^_^

Grief

I knew I wasn't doing justice to my Tito Bing in my last post. But I am sometimes like that. I couldn't feel what I am feeling and get numb. When I arrived at their house last Sunday I just took a really quick peek and then looked away because I got teary eyed. I somehow shut out the pain. I don't know why but it just didn't feel right for me to cry at that time. I wanted to remember our funny Tito Bing and didn't want to cry in front of my aunt. When I stayed overnight at my aunt's place last night and was left alone with Kuya Wen (my uncle's oldest son) in their sala I saw my cousin standing in front of my uncle's coffin as he started crying silently. My heart ached for him but it was a dull ache. I kept silent in my seat and waited for him to finish until he left. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, why I couldn't offer even a comforting hug. But I guess nothing was really wrong. I just felt that I couldn't and shouldn't offer empty sympathy until I felt the searing pain that he did. It's not that I don't feel anything about Tito Bing but everything was still so unclear and unreal. As I battled sleepiness and the heat this afternoon deciding which flowers to buy for my uncle it felt good to know that I was doing one last thing for him. No the flowers wouldn't do him any good but choosing a beautiful one that would help ease my aunt's pain even if just a bit would be something my uncle would appreciate because he loved my Tita Da so much. Still even if it made me feel more at peace I wondered why I couldn't cry, then I read Ate Pearl's entry on Tito Bing's demise. Now I understand. I couldn't cry because I was having a hard time remembering. I couldn't mourn when I can't remember. I couldn't mourn what was unclear. But the post cleared the cobwebs from my mind and now I cry. It is so sad to lose someone. So sad not to be able to hear akitakitakit anymore. So sad not to hear his tall tales. I knew I was going to miss him but I never knew I could miss him this much.

Support My Career

Yes my dear friends I do have a career aside from being a wife and mom. I actually didn't think of it as a career but a job but it seems to be turning into one. You see i am a writer even if I'm not. I write web content and get paid for blogging. I don't consider myself to be a writer because writers are people who put magic into words. I on the other hand, simply profit from words. This is not to say that i don't enjoy writing because I do sometimes. I especially love writing in this blog because this isn't part of work.

Anyway for the first time I am blogging in a community blog under my own name. I am writing for Froodee and take care of the Family Life section. The blog is still being developed but do stop by to support moi. Leave comments and subscribe if you want to. Aside from Froodee I maintain several blogs but am not supposed to get the credit.

For those who haven't seen this April's issue of Working Mom, try to get a peek at page 76 to see a big picture of Sam. Will be posting the very same picture there when I get home. I'm at my uncle's wake right now. Scandalized? Don't be I only got the courage to use the PC that's beside my uncle's coffin after I saw the people here using it to surf and play games. Are we weird?

It's almost morning. I'm getting weird from lack of sleep. Better stop while I still make a bit of sense if not much. Night world.

******
We love you Tito Bing. You are still the corniest Tito I've ever had. We'll miss your tall tales.

*******

Sam in Hospital - It's OK

As I expected the doctor wanted to have Sam confined, which is why we didn't want him checked till we had the card with us. Nothing to worry about though. It's just pneumonia again, which is something we're pretty used to. Sam is a fighter anyway and is probably basking in all the attention the doctors are giving him. As always we get really good service and doctors pay real attention because they're pretty happy to be able to handle someone with Sam's condition (not pneumonia sillies but PWS). Anyway I am actually happy since we now have a pedia-pulmo for Sam and he's been endorsed for a sleep study. Hopefully Maxicare approves it. Now we only have to wait for the Maxicare doctors to request for an EEG, CT Scan and Reflux Studies. Hihi. The insurance company will end up hating us. I'm pretty sure though the doctors will be very accommodating again. Thank God for this provision.

Oh and BTW Sam is in Makati Med. Visitors are welcome as long as you bring ME some magazines or cold drinks. ^_^

Checkups

Sam's health card is here at last. Now we go to Makati and they'll go bankrupt from all the checkups and tests he'll need. Hehehe.

Lucky Me

I won two tickets to the advance screening of this:


Yay! Lucky me! ^_^

Old Friends

One of the things I really do love about growing older is that friendships grow older too. Like good wine friendships become more potent and a lot better as it grows old. You drink from it rarely but just a few drops is enough for you to gain a better appreciation of life.

Been meeting up with my old friends lately, namely Jae, Luz, Jas, and Thea. It was all so nice and all the visits perked me up so much. But I am most happy because of my chat with Thea a few minutes ago. it was very substantial and deep. This was how it ended:

Thea: I love you girl! [smile]
me: love u too [smile]
Thea: ngiti lang lagi. hehehehehe
me: byeee
ikaw din and wag ka na tlga mag aasawa ha... unless hunky Jew who loves you
babush!
Thea: hunky rich jew
me: yup
dont ever forget the rich part!

Where else will you find deeper conversation. BTW we have always been partial to the semitic race even way back in high school. They just so oohlalable...

Liar Liar

I'm back and no improvements were made on this blog at all. But I realized that if I waited until I had the time to do a whole revamp this will never be back up. So just welcome me back world. I'm itching to blog and bring some drama to this world.