Me is the getting happy. ^_^
I saw the ending of Pursuit of Happyness in HBO again the other night. Reflecting on our life the past several years I realise that these days I've been getting a bit closer and closer to this thing we all pursue - happiness. I recall the times when my family was really down. The time I had to sell yema and peanuts to my classmates in college just so I can have jeepney fare to get home. I recall the times when I hid from my friends because I didn't want to go out knowing that I can't eat out with them (ililibre ako for sure and ayaw ko nahihiya na ako). I remember the times when Mark and I had to go to PCSO to ask for money because we couldn't get out of the hospital. I recall the times when we went to Robinsons and we couldn't buy even one single candy because all we had was money for Sam's milk formula and diapers. I remember the times I felt there was no hope and everything was bleak. I remember feeling alone thinking I our marriage wouldn't last. I remember all the times I hurt myself because the hurt inside was just too much. I remember it all now but with more peace than I have had in a long time.
Yes. Things are getting better but more important than that I am getting better. If you feel hopeless all the time and can't seem to get past the bleakness of life maybe you need help like I did, like I still do. Getting help for depression doesn't mean being weak. It doesn't mean you're crazy. It just means that finally you're stepping up to the plate to battle the thing inside you that is keeping you from being your best. It means finding ways to make it a little easier to battle the outside circumstances you can't control. It means not letting a stupid hormonal imbalance dictate your life and telling yourself that you and those around you will not be a victim of this terrible thing anymore.
Yes. I had/have depression. Yes. I went to a doctor. Yes. I am taking meds. I am not ashamed of it anymore because it no longer has a stranglehold on me.
If this speaks to you I hope you get help too. The pursuit of happiness need not be impossible. I never realised before that I can ever feel this way again...