Most days you just plod through life going through the motions. Most days I feel happy and content but I don't feel deep-seated joy. Most days I care for my husband and know that I love him but I don't feel the gut-wrenching feeling of being in love. Today is not like most days. Since yesterday until today I've been sooo in love with Mark. I've been missing him and thinking about him, feeling like I used to when "mag-crushan" pa lang kami. I keep on remember our little flirtations, the concentrated attention, the pa-simple moves, the double talks, tampuhan, lambingan, the long talks, and our friendship. I keep on remembering how Thea hated us for feeling OP and how I always felt like dressing up just to see the sparkle in his eye. To be honest I think I fell in love with Mark first. We were both attracted to each other but I loved him first. I loved him first but he loved me better. I loved him and still loves him with such a whirlwind of emotions but he loved me and still loves me calmly and perseveringly. I stayed for him when he was down and needed me but I couldn't help him grow and be better. He keeps on being insensitive and sometimes doesn't understand what I need but in the end he manages to help me change and grow to a better person. Sometimes I don't think I'm what he needs and it hurts me like hell but I figure out it's ok because I'm still what he wants. And then there are days when it's quite obvious that he needs me and I sit there quiet beside him savoring the moment. As for me I'm still crazy about Mark. Ask any of my friends. They don't understand and I don't either. He's always been what I wanted and needed.
Words are so inadequate.
I love you Mark.
I love you Pa.
I feel so blessed that I have you in my life. Thanks for not quitting on us. Thanks for giving me Sam. Thanks for not allowing me to lose myself and helping me find my way back. You are my home.