When My Dreams Stare Me Right to My Face

And when I feel the world crumbling around me again, I only have to think about this moment and be able to believe that my prayers can truly be answered, and that though the answers may not come in the form we imagined them, it doesn't make it any less perfect or sweet.

Here's to the words my love uttered. The words that I may never remember exactly as they were said, but that my heart will always cherish. May it nourish my soul during times of doubt.

Yeah, I think I can be patient now, I can fight the pain and the fear, because I do believe that someday things will work out fine...

On Taking Control of Our Future

For far too long I have been a victim of myself and my choices. Being powerless to change past circumstances and mistakes, I mistakenly let feelings of hopelessness take over me. Thankfully, recent painful events have jolted me out of my cycle. As my therapist said, it is only when the pain of the now outweighs the pain and fear of change that most people ever change at all. No matter how much pain I had and have to go through, I'm truly thankful for it because I know that it has helped me move forward in life.

One of the best advice about the past I've read is from Mort Fertel. Here's a snippet of what he said about how to get over your past (and past your hurt). If you're also hurting right now, I hope this somehow helps you see past your hurt too.

"...you don’t have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, “Why is this happening to me?” But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense.

In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good!

It’s the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it’s your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since YOU are in charge of your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past."

Here's to the future, second chances, and the power to rewrite the meaning of our past!

Learning from Sacha

This is all about a blog I love to read and I think is worth sharing. If you don't know Sacha Chua (and I admit I don't know much about her beyond the fact that she went to the same high school I did, she's a genius, she's cute, and speaks in this cute little voice) I think you really should get to know her through her blog. It's funny how I still think of her as this high school kid in uniform so that I feel like she has wisdom beyond her years. I guess she does have wisdom beyond her years though since people a lot older than her (like moi...) will learn a lot or at least be reminded of what they've learned before by reading her thoughts. The blog is full of the kind of practical idealism that I've been wanting to imbibe. Been wanting to write something really deep but heck I'll just link to the latest fave posts from her.

An all exclusive Sacha Chua painting (got to love her sketches!)

Relentless improvement and a focus on the positive - Will the 3/3/1 help make our marriage work better? Hmmm... Should talk this over with Mark to find out. For bosses (paging Kuya Ariel!) this is something you should check out, might work for your team. ^_^
The only way to fight the darkness is to blaze even brighter with light - This says it all.
It’s not just for you - it helps other people remember the steps, too! - Maybe I wouldn't think I suck so bad at dancing if I had a such a great dance teacher. Oh wait...I never did take dance lessons!

Pursuit of Happyness...Getting There

Me is the getting happy. ^_^

I saw the ending of Pursuit of Happyness in HBO again the other night. Reflecting on our life the past several years I realise that these days I've been getting a bit closer and closer to this thing we all pursue - happiness. I recall the times when my family was really down. The time I had to sell yema and peanuts to my classmates in college just so I can have jeepney fare to get home. I recall the times when I hid from my friends because I didn't want to go out knowing that I can't eat out with them (ililibre ako for sure and ayaw ko nahihiya na ako). I remember the times when Mark and I had to go to PCSO to ask for money because we couldn't get out of the hospital. I recall the times when we went to Robinsons and we couldn't buy even one single candy because all we had was money for Sam's milk formula and diapers. I remember the times I felt there was no hope and everything was bleak. I remember feeling alone thinking I our marriage wouldn't last. I remember all the times I hurt myself because the hurt inside was just too much. I remember it all now but with more peace than I have had in a long time.

Yes. Things are getting better but more important than that I am getting better. If you feel hopeless all the time and can't seem to get past the bleakness of life maybe you need help like I did, like I still do. Getting help for depression doesn't mean being weak. It doesn't mean you're crazy. It just means that finally you're stepping up to the plate to battle the thing inside you that is keeping you from being your best. It means finding ways to make it a little easier to battle the outside circumstances you can't control. It means not letting a stupid hormonal imbalance dictate your life and telling yourself that you and those around you will not be a victim of this terrible thing anymore.

Yes. I had/have depression. Yes. I went to a doctor. Yes. I am taking meds. I am not ashamed of it anymore because it no longer has a stranglehold on me.

If this speaks to you I hope you get help too. The pursuit of happiness need not be impossible. I never realised before that I can ever feel this way again...

We are the ones we've been waiting for...

Na...nananana...nananana...

I can't help it. Call it joining the bandwagon but still he gives me hope and as he says " there has never been anything false about hope."

I am not American but I am campaigning for Barack Obama.




Btw Sam can now say "O-ba" and "Ba-ma" but not the whole thing. Since he still can't say anything other than syllables right now this is a huge thing. We're crossing our fingers that OBAMA will be his first word. If that happens you can be sure he'll be another Obama baby on YouTube.