Path to Happiness

I'm so tired of the countless things that make me feel resentful, especially since I can't do a thing about most of them.

Thinking about it though, I realize that I am even more tired of being resentful; and that is something I have control over.

So tonight I'll try to let it go.

Tomorrow I hope I'll be able to try again, and also the day after that.

My hope is that as I keep on letting go little by little I'll find myself not even having to try all that much someday.

Maybe someday I can be happy not because things are better, but because I chose to be.

When My Dreams Stare Me Right to My Face

And when I feel the world crumbling around me again, I only have to think about this moment and be able to believe that my prayers can truly be answered, and that though the answers may not come in the form we imagined them, it doesn't make it any less perfect or sweet.

Here's to the words my love uttered. The words that I may never remember exactly as they were said, but that my heart will always cherish. May it nourish my soul during times of doubt.

Yeah, I think I can be patient now, I can fight the pain and the fear, because I do believe that someday things will work out fine...

Celebrating the True Meaning of Christmas with a Hymn

Merry Christmas everyone!



AMAZING GRACE

Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev'd;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believ'd!

Thro' many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis'd good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call'd me here below,
Will be forever mine.

- John Newton, Olney Hymns, 1779 -

On Taking Control of Our Future

For far too long I have been a victim of myself and my choices. Being powerless to change past circumstances and mistakes, I mistakenly let feelings of hopelessness take over me. Thankfully, recent painful events have jolted me out of my cycle. As my therapist said, it is only when the pain of the now outweighs the pain and fear of change that most people ever change at all. No matter how much pain I had and have to go through, I'm truly thankful for it because I know that it has helped me move forward in life.

One of the best advice about the past I've read is from Mort Fertel. Here's a snippet of what he said about how to get over your past (and past your hurt). If you're also hurting right now, I hope this somehow helps you see past your hurt too.

"...you don’t have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, “Why is this happening to me?” But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense.

In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good!

It’s the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it’s your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since YOU are in charge of your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past."

Here's to the future, second chances, and the power to rewrite the meaning of our past!

Looking Back for Hope

I find myself looking back to a moment that gave me hope during the darkest nights of my life. Little did I know that worse things were coming, that my faith in me, in the world, and all I believe in and hold dear would get shaken to core in ways I never dreamed of.

Yet 6 years later, changed in ways I could never have imagine, both songs still resonate in my heart. One brings tears to my eyes, making me wonder if the changes in me have come too late. The answer eludes me, but what I know is the water hasn't run dry in me. It still has not.

The other song continues to inspire, making me realize that in this moment of brokenness this for me really is a chance to return to innocence, a chance to return to myself.

"If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself, don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence"